Friday, July 15, 2011

It's Independence Day and Something Unexpected Happens...Flash fiction

I'm participating in Ali Cross's Flash Fiction Blog fest. So here goes my 250 word story, let me know what you think!


It was the party of the year. Fireworks burst in an explosion of color across the inky black sky and hung in the air. Alyson’s excitement added to the chorus of oohs and aahs surrounding her.

It was the most magical Fourth of July of her entire life, but she hoped the best part wasn't over yet.

Gabe, the hottest guy in school, with his fathomless dark eyes and matching wavy hair invited her to be his date for the night. She pinched her arm once more to be sure it wasn't all a fabulous dream. She was sure she was in love.

“Are you up for a walk?” Gabe asked.

“Sounds fantastic.” Alyson smiled as Gabe reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers. Electricity pulsed through her body on contact.

Did he feel it too?

The flare of emotion flash across his eyes told her he did. His goofy half smile made him even more adorable.

The only thing left to make this the best night of her life would be if Gabe kissed her. She sent up a silent prayer and crossed her fingers that he would.

He drew her into the shadows of a nearby building.

“Come here.” He said in a soft voice. As Gabe pulled her into the warmth of his embrace Alyson’s heart beat faster. His head leaned slowly toward hers.

This was it.

Her eyes closed in anticipation and screamed as his sharp teeth sank deep into her neck.



Well there it is, let me know what you think! Go here to read the other participants entries. A special thanks to Ali Cross for putting togehter this fun blog fest! Thanks Ali!! You Rock!!

21 comments:

Gail said...

Aaah! You can't do that. Lol. Great set up and story telling.

Stacy Henrie said...

Nice twist at the end. Great details.

Cathy Witbeck said...

Yah, that was unexpected. But does she get to be his undead honey or just a snack? Oh the dreaded cliffhanger. Nicely done.

Nisa said...

Never go for the hot guys, I tell ya. That was such a great flash! Nice ending!

Brianna said...

You pulled me in from the beginning and made me remember how cool it was being young and ready for love, but the best part was the ending. A complete twist that I never expected! Wonderful story!

Brent Wescott said...

I saw that coming a mile away. (No, I didn't.)

Building Castles on the Beach

Julie said...

Oh my gosh, loved it!! I totally thought it was going to be a cliche kiss and... SNAP! VAMPIRE ALERT!

Awesome!

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

Wow! What a twist. The build up was great. Well done!

Fida I said...

Wow! That was definetly unexpected!! Not the kind of guy she thought he was... I would keep on reading if I could!

Awesome job and thanks!

ali said...

Ouch! #dangitall Gabe! You were supposed to be a dream boy not a nightmare!

Great job, Debbie!

Mel Fowler said...

Oh vampires.... at least that is what I assume that he is, unless you have created some other new, good looking, mythica creature.

C. K. Bryant said...

Grrr! I was all ready for a wet and juicy kiss. *sigh* Well done, though.

Lacie Myers said...

Wow! I didn't see that one coming. Great surprise factor!

Canda said...

Love bite or snack? Great fun!

Karen Hoover said...

Well, that was unexpected. lol I totally didn't see that coming. Excellent job! Loved it!

Debbie Davis said...

I have to say this was so much fun to write,and it only took about 30 minutes maybe to do it! I loved this whole exercise and I am sooo glad that you never saw the twist coming at the end! Thank you everyone for your comments I really enjoyed reading them. Can't wait til the next fun blog fest!

Rebecca said...

Great twist! I totally didn't see that coming!

Ishta Mercurio said...

Nice job saving the twist until the very end, Debbie. This was fun to read! Thanks for sharing!

Donna K. Weaver said...

Gotta watch those cute guys.

Mary Campbell said...

Oh no. I was already for some hot kissing action and you snatched it away. Nice twist.

Colleen Chen said...

Great ending! I didn't see it coming at all.